若加强一些复杂句和从句的使用,文章会更棒;作者词汇表达比较多样,也能较好的使用一些学术词汇;文章结构不够严谨,应增加过程性词汇的使用。
My hometown was a beautiful village in the past.For example,the tree was surrounded in the street and the fish were play in the river.Villager lived in poor house and narrow road,people work very hard but life was poor. Ten years later,you can see High-rise buildings and various kinds store everywhere.The man driving the size of the car in the streets.Society development make our life more and more convenience,but industry expansion polluted our environment.Trees were cut down year by year.Furthermore,fish is disappeared. Concequently,in order to protect our servival environment,the first thing is solveing environmental problems.