文中学术词汇使用较少,但单词拼写做的很棒;可适当增加复合句和从句的使用;行文稍显不流畅,应增加文中衔接词的使用。
The Day My Classmate Fell Ill As it gets colder and colder,an increasing number of my classmates are catching cold.Some of them just have a sore throat,but others' condition are relatively more serious.Take my deskmate as an example.Not only did she have a headache,but also she was unable to attend class because she fell in a faint this morning! Instantly,we took her to the hospital with the help of our teacher.After informing my teacher and parents who thoroughly approved my staying with my deskmate,I looked after her carefully.What our monitor did was phoning me that he would write down the notes in details,as a consequence,we didn't need to worry about our study anymore.Lately that afternoon,our headteacher came to visit my deskmate with kind of delicious food. Only after I have experienced this event do I realize that sometimes we have to depend on others to help solve problems when we suffer from obstacles.Remember that we'd better give our helping hands when facing someone are in desperate need of help because you will never know when the helps return.