文中词汇表达比较多样,能多用学术词汇就更好了;文中应增加一些长难句的使用,会为文章添彩;全文结构较为严谨,应适当增加文中衔接词的使用。
How Should Parents Help Children to Be Independent? Nowadays,more and more children are becoming dependent on their parents,their friends,or other people. On the one hand,parents would like to manage every thing for their kids,even some tiny things that are not important at all.They think that their kids cannot deal with problems specifically.On the other hand,a great number of children don't have confidence that they can do the task well.They don't trust in their abilities, So,parents should always help their children cultivate good confidence in kids themselves and shape excellent characters.It's very useful and necessary for latter achievement.Also,parents had better encourage their kids to do things on their own instead of depending on teachers or parents.I think it's vital to be independent.