GRE写作Argument模拟题 第5篇

文章能较恰当地使用学术词汇，但单词拼写检查要认真；使用了部分简单的长难句，可适当增加一些复杂的长句；文章结构不够严谨，应增加过程性词汇的使用。

In this argument, the writer employs the evidence that citizens in East Meria rarely have treatment of colds concerning they consumpt substantial fish every year to conclude that Ichthaid in the fish can preent peope from colds. And if student use Ichthaid daily will descen the absenteeism. However, the superficial evidence of the use of fish result in the health may mask other (and potentially more significant) causes of people in East Meria seldom get cold. Environment, working pressure, people's age and diets may have effect people's health jointly. As the industralization is more and more generally expended, air expecially in the city become worse. If East Meria hasn't been industralized, people there would enjoy fresh air and this will be contiruted to the citizens' healthy body.Besides that, we not confirm whether East Meria's citizens' working pressure's degree. If most citizens there have retired, or East Meria is holiday village, people live there enjoy a relax attitude to life. As we all know, the relax attitude of life will surely impove people's immune system. Citizen's age in East Marie is also a necessary element to consider. If citizens there mostly are adolescents, those who are surely stronger than juvenlie and old man may result the rare colds else. Except what I have stated above, any other food except fish could lead to healthier body should be considered else. Even East Meria is a city like New York, we also cann't make sure the situation in writer's school, if it's a high demands school, large amount of homework, versatile extracurriculars and contests may result students in this school easily get cold. Because the referrence that a healthier person's freqency to get a cold is not provided by the writer. In addition to what I have stated, the causes of absenteeism are not certain. Students may absent from class not because of colds. Some students may cheat sick in order to embellish their true motivations. The accurate statistic of students get cold should be investigated cautiously-of course, it may be difficult and trouble- in order to insure the statistic's validity. Last but not at least, presume large consumption of fish has inter-correlation with people's health. Contributing fish's nutrition to Ichthaid is not inadvisable. Even a drop of water has complex compostions, not mention to the fish. We'd better view every thing's dichotmy and keep cautions. Ichthaid may benefit to health but also may be toxic if the assilimation of it is redundant. Before recommanding writer's suggestion widey, the more experimental studies is imperative in case of it's side effect. Simply put, before reaching the conclusion, a great number of viable factors are needed to be considered, all-angl explorationand sufficient investigatin are necessary.