作者词汇基本功很好,一些学术词汇的使用也比较灵活;可适当增加文中长句和复杂句的使用;文章结构不够严谨,应增加过程性词汇的使用。
In the recent days, a heated issue which six students who share a dorm at a college rent a cleaning worker was booming wispread the website. The information not only shocked everybody's mind but brought a lot of thoughts of the mass. As for me, a sophere in campus hire cleaners to avoid cleaning by yourselves is not a good behavior. When you take part in the normal university's life, you should shoulder some responsibilities as the preparation before you leave your home. It is a necessary step that we learn plenty of technical knowledge, and much as some basic skills like cleaning, washing clothes, ect. If someone rent another to replace his duty,his ability which adapt to this society would decreased sharply.The following I want to concern is the students still rely on their parents in economic. They can not earn enough money to afford their tuition, their daily expense, their extra requirement. So, the six students' action like a employee betray from his employer using his boss' possession. Staying at campus alone, we should do everything by ourselves. We start to realize something we even did not hear it.The effect of hiring expert to help you is bad to build characteristic and responsibility. What is more crucial, parents use the double money help you to learn nothing. College students' task is not so simple as only learn knowledge from lessons,write a article.The center of life always is the substance of life, a fulfile.