文中词汇表达比较多样,能多用学术词汇就更好了;文中应适当增加从句和长难句的使用;全文结构较为严谨。
How should Parents help Children to Be Independnt? It is becoming increasingly common that a lot of parents do everything such as washing clothes,cleaning room for their children.In my opinion,this phenomenon is bed for their children. In the essay,I will discuss that what parents do help their children to be independent and offer my own view on it. To be independent of children,parents can do the following. First and foremost, the government would give more money to the museum.Secondly,some tourists like to touch the old things with hands,which harm the old things.Last but not least,some people take photos that which is harm for the manage. Form my point of view,I firmly believe that the museum can take a low fee,which would balance numbers of the tourists and the museum manage.