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文中词汇表达比较多样，能多用学术词汇就更好了；行文较为流畅，作者文中过渡词使用的不错；文中应增加一些长难句的使用，会为文章添彩。
When I was young as a pupil in sixth grade in school. I could run only one circle for one time in the playground. But my PE teacher told me I can do it better after training properly. One cold day I started running in the early morning by hard. A month later, I could run two circles already. This thing taught me that if I never began to solve the problem it would be always a problem. Do it properly and put more effort into it, after that it will be no difficulty in any circumstance.
