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作者句法知识很棒，适当增加从句的使用，会取得更不错的成绩；作者词汇表达较丰富准确，不过学术词汇的积累还有很大的空间；可适当增加连接词和衔接词的使用。
When I was young as a pupil in sixth grade in my primary school, I could run only a circle at a time for 400 meters. Nevertheless my PE teacher told me that I could do it better for 800 meters after training properly. It seened not possible. My body was too weak , owing to lack of exercise. On a chilling day I started running on an early morning. Afterwards, I could run two circles more at a time already. This thing taught me that if I never began to solve the problem it would be always a problem. Do it properly and put more effort into it, after that it will be no difficulty in any circumstance.
