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拼写很棒，可适当增加学术词汇的使用；句法知识很棒，若增加一些从句的使用，文章会更出色；可适当增加连接词和衔接词的使用。
When I was young as a pupil in sixth grade in my primary school, I could run only a circle at a time for 400 meters. Nevertheless my PE teacher told me that I could do it better for 800 meters after training properly. It seemed not possible. My body was too weak owing to lack of exercise. On a chilling day I started running on an early morning. Afterwards, I could run two circles more at a time already. I ascribed the success to hard work and a little luck. Day after day, night after night, I became healthier and stronger. This thing taught me that if I never began to solve the problem it would be always a problem. Do it properly and put more effort into it, after that it will be no difficulty in any circumstance.
