可适当增加从句和复杂句使用;文中使用了简单的连接词和过渡词;作者能较熟练、灵活地使用词汇,建议要多使用学术词汇;请注意分段。
Everything won't succeed without a strong will.In ous life we can notice a lot of people those made many devotions and cultures live with a strong will.So,why do they have this?As for myself,i strongly think it's importance to do anything with it,which is a promise to ours,at the same time,only in this way can we finish anything. Acually,we as students should do that,learning to study hard and becoming a excellent men.