语句间的衔接成分用的不错,同时文章中的过程性词汇很丰富;可适当增加复合句和从句的使用;文章词汇表达比较灵活,学术词汇的使用要继续加强;请注意分段;请提高文章内敛性,段落和句子要围绕主题展开。
I think that the failure is the mother of success,because only come across failure,we can realize where we are wrong and from which we can improve ourselves step by step.Let's look those who are triumphant,they also have got failure for many times.So don't be sorrowful when you are in failure but go on with faith.