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作者词汇基础扎实，拼写也很棒；使用了部分简单的长难句，可适当增加一些复杂的长句；文章结构不够严谨，应增加过程性词汇的使用。
新东方： In recent years, the excessive use of packages has become quite a serious problem in China. As for the reasons of excessively packaging, there are many factors contributing to it. It is conceivable that the excessive packaging has mainly arisen from the two following factors. For one thing, people in mounting numbers are inclined to send a variety of gifts to their relatives and friends, especially during the holidays, and decorated gifts sometimes are a symbol of good taste. For another, the dealers are in the purpose of making more money by packaging the products to the largest extent. Taking all the above-mentioned factors into consideration, it is quite urgent for us to take effective measures to cope with it. We consumers should basically concentrate more on the quality of the commodities rather than the packages; meanwhile, the government should also put restrictions on the excessive packaging. Only in this way can we guarantee the harmonious development of the market as well as ourselves. 来自可可英语： Nowadays, the phenomenon of excessive packaging has becoming increasingly serious. Lots of packages have already deviated from their original function. Excessive packaging is a serious waste phenomenon, which deserves our special attention and penetrating research. There are many reasons accounting for excessive packaging. Firstly, the promotion effects of excessive packaging have been greatly exaggerated by interest—driven merchants. Furthermore, it is irrational consumption that led to the phenomenon of excessive packaging. The last but not the least, as everyone sees it that distempered of the related laws and regulations and inadequate enforcement of the law together contributed to this phenomenon. As far as I am concerned, excessive packaging not only creates waste of resources, but also causes unnecessary environment pollution, so we should try our best to eliminate this phenomenon completely. To avoid excessive packaging, we should increase our awareness of this phenomenon and change our ideas towards it. We should also establish the atmosphere of simple packaging, advocate appropriate packaging and build a conservation-minded society. 文都版： In recent years, with the economy growing, all kinds of goods are flowing into our life. The packaging of goods becomes more and more attracting our eyes. However, the problem of excessive packaging has aroused people's wide concern. This phenomenon exists for a number of reasons. For one thing, the business has seen through the mind of most consumers who are face-saving, for they thought that the more beautiful the packaging of goods is, the best people like. For another thing, excessive packaging can make the majority of merchants get high profit for the cheap commodity by improving price. Perhaps the primary reason lies that the form far outweighs the content. In my opinion, it is more advisable to focus on the quality of goods than to decorate its appearance. So, it is urgent that immediate measures should be taken to stop the situation. Only in this way can we reduce unnecessary waste and have a rational and pure shopping condition, making our money cost worthwhile. 文都徐可风 ① Nowadays, there is a widespread concern over excessive packaging in our country. ② It is known to all that excessive packaging has negative influences on consumers. ③ And people would turn pale at the very mention of excessive packaging. ① There are many reasons why excessive packaging emerges, but in general, they come down to three major ones. ② For one thing, I argue, Chinese consumers care more about packaging than product itself. ③ For another, the packaging often represents the quality of product, so the manufacturer is eager to do excessive packaging. ④ But the prime reason is perhaps that the department concerned turns a blind eye to this irrational phenomenon. ① In regard to this problem, steps should be taken to minimize it. ② The first thing we should do is to emphasize product's quality over its packaging. ③ Another thing we can do is to strengthen the supervision on excessive packaging. ④ In addition, the Weibo is one of the most effective media that remind consumers to spend reasonably. 沪江网校版： Nowadays the phenomena of excessive packaging of goods are prevailing in our society: clothes swathed in tissue paper, placed in cardboard box and finally wrapped in well—designed plastic bags, imported bottles of grape wine packed in wooden boxes, fruits put in hand-woven baskets, to name but a few. There are several causes of excessive packaging. The first reason is that a large number of companies believe that they can attract customers' attention and stimulate their purchasing desire by over—packaging their goods, thus gaining more profits. On the other hand, quite a number of consumers mistakenly hold that the more delicate the package is, the better the quality will be, thus encouraging excessive packaging. In my point of view, excessive packaging has disastrous consequences, including the loss of precious resources, excessive consumption of water and energy, and unnecessary extraction of scarce land for landfill. To solve the problem, it's necessary to take the following measures. First, laws and regulations must be made to restrict excessive packaging of companies. In addition, we need to raise consumer's awareness that excessive packaging doesn't equal to high quality and advocate packaging recycling.
