文中词汇表达比较多样,能多用学术词汇就更好了;文中应增加一些长难句的使用,会为文章添彩;层次不清晰,几乎没有使用衔接词。
Dear Lora, I am happy to receive you letter as to your problem about part-time job. As time goes by, the summer vacation is coming, and lots of students prefer to find a part-time job during the summer vacation. To tell the truth, students can benefit a lot from part-time job. It can broaden their horizons and enrich their life. On the contrary, Lora's parents do not agree with her. As far as they are concerned, doing part time job is a waste of time and it may influent your study. In my opinion, I support you idea. No matter how, you can learn how to independence form you parents. So, just do what you want to do.