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文中词汇使用较丰富，但学术词汇使用太少；上下文衔接不流畅，文章结构不严谨；若增加一些从句的使用，文章会取得更好的成绩；请注意分段。
children are the flower of nation moreover the future.At present our parents pay too much attentions on children to disable themselves for independence.there is a saying in China, can't afford to lose at the starting line. parents take up all small things of children such as, doing laundry,doing washing-up,tidying up bookbag in order to make more time for children devoted themselves into studies and children can't do anything even self-care.it has sprung up children disabled for indulged by their parents.nowdays it become more and more serious. present way of treating children is not do good at children,instead pretty harmful on them. really want children be excellent at not only study but self-care.as good parents, you should let your children do everything which they can do,even though they meet a rough problem,leave it for them to fix.after suffering toil they might properly deal with the things what may come in future.
