文中词汇表达比较多样,能多用学术词汇就更好了;正确句子比例较高,适当增加复杂句的使用,文章会更出色;层次不清晰,几乎没有使用衔接词。
How Should Parents Help Children to Be Independent? In recent years more and more parents would like to do anything for their only one child.They think it is good for them. However this phenomenon has already lead much problems.For instance,some students can not take care of themselves well on campus.Even if they do not know how to get along well with others.And the explaining maybe is the spoil from parents. So nowadays parents should pay more attention to breeding independence of a children. Giving them more chances to do something that they can do.It is more important to encourage children than just have planed well for them.Telling them the importance of independence in life. Teaching them,leading them but replacing them!