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文中词汇表达比较多样，能多用学术词汇就更好了；建议适当增加些复杂句的使用；文章结构不够严谨，应增加过程性词汇的使用。
my views on online shopping with the rapid development of technology ,people can do many thing at home .such as shopping . nowadays ,go shopping on the line is a kind of fashion .yes ,it is very convenient for us ,especially we should do many things and have no time to go out and go shopping. and it also have many other advantages .some of the thing on the line are more cheap ,and there are many kinds so you have more choose . but do shopping on the internet also have many disadvantages .because there are only photos on the internet ,we can not see the thing and it is maybe not like what we think it is .there are many cheater in the internet ,so we maybe cheated .we should sit done in the frond of the internet ,long time late you will feel bad . i think what we need to do is to control the time we use the internet ,and go shopping with your friend is also vary fun.
