可适当增加从句的使用;作者词汇表达较丰富准确,不过学术词汇的积累还有很大的空间;行文稍显不流畅,应增加文中衔接词的使用。
It's very comom for students to do the part-time job in universities nowadays.However,some people think it is good ,while others are not.what's the advantages and disadvantages of doing part-tiime jobs? According to a survey,most students believe it's the advantages of the part-time job is over the disadvantages.On the one hand,by doing some part-time job,students can earn extra money, and they can use the money to buy what they want ;especially for the students from the poor family,they can support themselves by the money.Besides, doing part-time job is a good oppotunity for students to get closer to the real society,which students can accumulate experience from the job. While others think there are also some drawbacks on doing part-time job. Because some students can not banlance the time on study and part-time job, putting too much time on doing part-time job,which does harm to their academic performances. What's more,for most students know little about the society, they easily are cheated by some high salary jobs. In my opinion, if the students can improve their ability to tell clearly what's good and bad, and learn how to balance the time between study and job, doing part-time job is a good choice for the students.That will be a special experience in university.