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拼写很棒，可适当增加学术词汇的使用；使用了部分简单的长难句，可适当增加一些复杂的长句；文章结构不够严谨，应增加过程性词汇的使用。
We have to admit that the information era really bring a lot of convenience to our life every single day.However,there is a saying goes:"A wealth of information creates a poverty of attention."The impact of the information explosion also have some bad effects. Firstly,when you abandon yourself doing your endless work,a window full of the information you don't need right now just jumps out in your screen.It distracts your attention and waste your time,may be it also can ruin your good mood.Secondly,especially for kids,some useless or harmful information is pushed in front you for you to take in.Last not least,when we need to search some useful information precisely,too much information mixed together may well bring us some trouble. As far as I am concerned,learn to distinguish and know what you really need,and you can make the most of the enormous information.
