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语句间的衔接成分用的不错，同时文章中的过程性词汇很丰富；句子错误偏多，建议修改；文中词汇表达比较多样，能多用学术词汇就更好了；请注意分段。
with the developing of technical,more and more people seem addicted to shopping online,in that way,only clink the keyboard can you buy anything you like,it has become a fashion way .there are many advantages to shopping online,for instance.you don't need to go crowded street,it is very convenient to someone who lived far away shop store ,but every coin has two sides,there are some disadvantages can't be avoid,shopping on internet you can't check the quality of commodity until you have paid for it,in addition,internet filled with many false commodity,maybe you can't buy the goods make you satisfy. as far as i concerned, shopping online indeed very convenient,but you must take the risk of buying the goods you don't satisfy,shopping on street is also an exercise can make you more healthier
