文中词汇表达比较多样,能多用学术词汇就更好了;句法知识很棒,若增加一些从句的使用,文章会更出色;可适当增加连接词和衔接词的使用;请注意分段。
My hometown used to be such a fine place.There are many green trees around the town.And there is a minor river beside the town. The river is so clean that we can see many kinds of fishes running freely in the river. But now,it has changed a lot.Both sides of the street are filled with tall buildings and small shops. All kinds of cars are coming and going in the street.The environment becomes more and more unfavorable because of the development of the industry.Besides,the number of trees is reducing and the fishes is disappearing.So doing with the serious pollution is the most important thing.I think I should try my best to do this as a member of the town.