托福独立写作模拟题:关于金钱

语句间的衔接成分用的不错，同时文章中的过程性词汇很丰富；句子错误偏多，建议修改；单词拼写很棒，可考虑增加学术词汇的使用量。

Money always being regarded as an important part of human life,with large amounts of money,people tend to do everything they want to do,buying tasty food,beautiful clothes,receiving a better education and so on,not only you full of comfort,but also others would think highly of you,money is magical,which make life different. A famous singer,who is always being looked down upon in his childhood,because his family in bad condition,On his birthday,he reject that to invent his friend, once they came to his home,the shortage of his family will expose to everyone,from then on,he made his mind to hardworking,in order to make large amounts of money,he never lacking in sweat in his life,finally,he end up becoming a well-known singer. A coin has two sides,the money could bring us benefit in the meantime,it also bury us in a dilemma,in some way,earn too much money is what we are supposed to aviod.