简单句偏多了;文中有较多拼写错误,请作者增加词汇量的积累;过渡词和衔接词使用不恰当,缺少组织,可适当增加连接词的使用;请注意分段;请提高文章内敛性,段落和句子要围绕主题展开。
This day doesn't to school. This day me get up early. Because me want to help my mother and father with housework.Breakfast after l open to clean home. Then l go to homework. Next Tony and l go to paly pingpong ball.In night l and my parents wacth TV.This a very busy day.