过渡词很丰富,衔接词同时使用的恰到好处;文中有几处句子错误;作者词汇表达较丰富准确,不过学术词汇的积累还有很大的空间;可以适当增加副词的使用。
My idea of saving money As a college student save money for their parents that is a kind of virtue,for some student\'s household income is lower,they can reduce a certain pressure for their partent,even though some student\'s family is wealthy,but saving money is a good habit . The student can take the rest money do lots of significant things,they can use them buy some books、Buy a electronic book、 Help some peoples who need help etc,about some rich families of student,they can bring the save money to help people who need help,although some student\'s household income is tiny,they can through effort to earn money,they can utilize spare time to work, when they graduate,they don\'t worry about job hunt\'s expense. To sum up,whether your family is rich or poor,we should develop a good habit that saving money,we should try our best to independence.