作者能较准确地使用学术词汇,但文章中拼写错误稍多;文章结构不够严谨,应增加过程性词汇的使用;多多加强从句和复杂句的使用。
In this age of change ,the human society is progerssing rapidly on various fromts yet at the same time ,many problems have arisen,a serious ome of which is... this issue has drawn widespread attention. In this essay ,i will analyze some possible causes of this phenomenon and then propose some solutions. it is obvious that the causes of this issue are diverse. in the first place,... is the root cause of this crisis.in the second place ,... constitutes a major cause of this situation. finally,... plays a pivotal role in this problem accordingly,the solution to this problem should be variad as well. to begin with ,governments and relevant administrations should take effective measures and spare no effort to control this problem what is more ,it is neccessary to raise people's awareness. only when these practical measures are taken can this problem be dealt with step by step and gone with wind.