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恰当的使用了过渡词和衔接词，衔接手法做的很棒；加强从句的使用，注意文中句子错误；作者词汇量偏小，且文章中拼写错误较多；请提高文章内敛性，段落和句子要围绕主题展开；请注意分段。
In Chian have mang interestingplace , but my favorit place is my hometown , my hometown in guangdong , thought my hometown is a small place without interestingplace in there, my remeber in there my family in there so my hear in there. There are mang teers arround my hometown ,the teer is gree all year. And there are the water is clear you can look youself in there, have mang old the home in there which suplom my hometown how old she is. It is important that there the people very hightinglove and friend. So if you come here you will love here like me .
