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文中词汇使用较丰富恰当，但学术词汇表达还需要很大提升；可适当增加几条从句；文章采用了适当的过渡词和衔接词，结构比较严谨；请注意分段。
When I was a little boy, I dreamt nothing. Maybe,being a happy boy is my unique pursue at that time.When I grow up and left home to go to study in a college,400 kilometers away from my hometown Huangshan (Huizhou,her used name which sustained more than 800 hundreds), I started to realize I come from a great place where created a glorious history in the ancient dynasty,a place where created hui merchants,hui culture,hui cuisine and so on.Now her name is Huangshan,a famous tourist city because of Mount Huang.But a sad truth placed in front of the people of Huizhou is that compared with her history this area is lost in the contemporary age.From the internet I got acquainted with so many people who are so pride of our history and making determination to revive our great history. I was shocked and realized I should also do something to contribute to our hometown,and the thought becomes one of my objectives since then. When I graduated,I conceived my dream and started my job,than I found that the dream is very plump,reality very bone.So I made a decision that go back to campus to have a further study.
