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有效地采用了多种衔接方法，层次清晰；建议适当增加些复杂句的使用；请注意词汇表达的多样性及拼写错误，尤其加强学术词汇的使用；请注意分段；请提高文章内敛性，段落和句子要围绕主题展开。
I had a good time at the summe camp, because several students who are from UK that make the camp defferent. we visited Beijing which were famous of Gu gong, the great Walk, and YI he yuan.we not only to visit but can improve our English as well. And the wonderful thing was they could cook dinner and we had a good meal.
