文中词汇表达比较多样,能多用学术词汇就更好了;正确句子比例较高,适当增加复杂句的使用,文章会更出色;层次不清晰,几乎没有使用衔接词。
I have a good friend. Her name is YaJie,she is eight years age.She is a beautiful girl,and she has a long black hair and a pair of big eyes.She is a happy girl.Nonetheless sometimes she is not happy too. For example, let her swim.We like to watch TV, read a book, play computer games after doing our homework.We usually go shopping on Saturday and Sunday.We always walk to school。 When I am sad, I will think of her.So I think she is my good friend.And if we hope will always be good friends.