单词拼写很棒,可考虑增加学术词汇的使用量;可适当增加文中长句和复杂句的使用;行文稍显不流畅,应增加文中衔接词的使用;请注意分段。
Hello,to be honest, i feel lucky that i have this chance to show myself.All right,now let me give you an introduction about myself.First of all,i am a boy,twenty years old,who is a little shy though i am the monitor in my class.And my hobby is cheese,which i have played cheese with my grandpa who is a kind and wise man since i was a little boy.So it is obviously that my grandpa help me develop that great interest.It is known that usually play game for brain development can speed the development of kids’ intelligence,such as cheese.Besides,I also can acquire a lot from playing that.For example,playing cheese needs patient and calmness and sometimes you may try to guess what the enemy think about.Then I think everyone would have a dream which encourages them all the time.Of course , just for me,My dream is to become an outstanding doctor,at least,I can make my efforts to save the precious lives and give others more help.Maybe,it is difficult for me to achieve my dream,however,i believe that success always wait for prepared person and i will insist on and keep trying .And now,what i should do in my college is cherish my time and hardworking .OK.That is all my introduction ,thanks for your listening for.