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句式灵活多变，再加强从句的使用会更棒；文中衔接词丰富；文中单词拼写做的不错，另外再增加词汇量积累就更好了。
As we know that happinese is very important for us to live. When we born up ,we have a right to enjoy our life ,time flies qualkily,may be we would face some difficulies,in my opinion,we should be happy every day ,don't be sad,when we are happy ,i think we can face every trouble,we can find some ways to smile,keep smile ,it is also good for our health,every has trouble,the most important is that how to solve it ,i admire people who always smile,then don't be scared for the difficulty,for example,the famous star ,Liudehua,he is very famous ,we also know that what his attitute about the trouble is ,he face it straightly,never give up ,Mayun .we know him,he always keep good mood,so he can find some ways to fight his future,now ,maybe he is a rich man in our China. Smile can give people warm ,keep good mood can give us chance to find best things for us ,don't be afraid of every bad things.Let us keep good mood together.
