作者词汇表达丰富度较高,就是学术词汇用的太少;文中应增加一些长难句的使用,会为文章添彩;全文结构较为严谨,应适当增加文中衔接词的使用。
My hometown is in yungui plateau where is the secondly highest plateau in china. There have a lot of mountains,so I was growing with looking at plateau. what's more importantly is there have a lot kinds of tourist attractions.whenever you come to there you will find a fatancy scenery. My favorite places in my hometown is my village where is surrounded by mountains and it is nearby a clear river,which is very charming. Although it is ordinary,my whole life,brief as it was had been in that village,gracefully touched with laughter and tear of my childhood. If you come to there,you will find it is not only have beautiful scenery,but have a lot of kind people. The school is such a happy word.It seems too cherry,too warm,for our to go through. You come here everybody treat you as a relatives.they are all show their friendly to you as if there were your reality home. After you live there for some days you had deeply beloved it and we are had a village in common,and which like a fire in the winter.Though we always take it for granted.