文中词汇表达多样性不足,在学术词汇方面尤其要多积累;作者句法知识很棒,适当增加从句的使用,会取得更不错的成绩;建议在衔接词汇方面加强积累;连词使用偏少;请注意分段。
June 3, Friday Fine On my way home on the bus, I saw that an old man with back bag and violin and a boy around ten years old got on the bus. When i stood up and asked the old man to sit, the boy sat down directly. The old man stood beside him. The boy asked loudly water for drinking.I can't help with his behavior when I saw he throw the empty bottle in the bus. I told him that he should respect old man and do something by himself. Keeping the public environment clean is the basic behavior as a student. All of people in the bus saw the boy, he dropped his head shamed.