作者能较熟练、灵活地使用词汇,建议要多使用学术词汇;简单句比重稍微偏高,注意个别句子错误;层次不清晰,几乎没有使用衔接词;请注意分段;可以适当增加副词的使用;连词使用偏少。
My name is Wangshan,a student from Yangguang Middle School in Beijing.I'm sixteen years oid.As an active adolescent,I'm good at communicating with others and helping those who have difficulties.Music and photography are my favorite.Besides,I love nature and peace. By taking part in this summer camping,I hope I can make more friends and learn more about foreign culture