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文中词汇表达贫乏，但是单词拼写做的不错；正确句子比例很高，但需多多加强从句的使用；全文结构不够严谨，文中很少使用衔接词和过渡词；请注意分段；连词使用偏少。
Welcome to my hometown! Haimen is my hometown. It is a modern and busy town. It has a long history. There are many big supermarkets, beautiful gardens and good factories here. It is very easy to go shopping. You can see green hills, big trees and nice flowers. There are many restaurants in Haimen. You can enjoy Haimen goat. It tastes very delicious. Many visitors come here to enjoy it. There are many good places to visit. There is a park and a big Shopping Mall. You can see films in Renmin Theatre. My school is one of the best schools in my hometown. It is on Changjiang Road. It is very beautiful. I hope you can come and visit soon.
