从句使用量稍显不足;请注意词汇表达的多样性及拼写错误,尤其加强学术词汇的使用;文章结构不够严谨,应增加过程性词汇的使用。
Shanghai is a beautiful city in eastern China. Huangpu river goes through the city from southwestern to northeastern, and the city is divided to two parts, called Puxi and PuDong respectively. There are many beautiful buildings, especially beside the river. Everyone who come to Shanghai would be atracted by the beautiful sights around WaiTan at the middle of the reiver. Once in afternoon, all the buildings beside the river are light brightly, with a colofull appearance. How fascinated it is. It is very convenince to live in SHanghai. You can go everywhere of the city easily by bus of subway. there are four railway station, and many trains go out from Shanghai and many trains come in every day, well you are free to visit other cities from Shanghai easily, of course you can easily come to Shanghai.