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行文稍显不流畅，应增加文中衔接词的使用；复杂句的使用不是很丰富；作者能词汇表达较准确熟练，但请仔细检查词汇的拼写。
A Beactiful City In China Welcome to my hometown,which is Yaan.It's famous for the girl in Yaan,the fish in Yaan,the rain in Yaan,and the environment is fresh and the weather s meld.In addition,the people in Yaan is very generous and entusast. Moreover,there are many place of interest.Such as,BiFeng vially,ShangLi old ttown,JingFengShi.which are all interesting and have different kind of traditional curturals.In BiFeng vially,where is the pandar of hometown,it's extremely cute and lively,at same time,there are abundant animals.For exzaple,lions,bears,elepants and so on.I am sure you well like it,Besides,you well be crazy about chinese drama,which we can go to ShangLi old town,where you can enjoy it! Last but not least,I believe you well visit againe and love it!
