请作者增加词汇表达的灵活性,拼写检查也还需加强;衔接成分太少,文章结构欠佳;采用了一些简单的从句;请注意分段;请提高文章内敛性,段落和句子要围绕主题展开;连词使用偏少。
My name is Tangshan,I am a girl who is studying in suns hing school in beijing age of 16.l like music ang Photography, I like communicating with everyone.and I help people fluently when they need to need aid.I hope the wolrd is a piece.The people are happly.l got some friend by the Summer camp,At the sometime know about culture with foreign.