文中词汇表达比较多样,能多用学术词汇就更好了;能够很好的使用长难句且句法很棒;过渡词和衔接词使用的比较不错;请提高文章内敛性,段落和句子要围绕主题展开。
Hefei,Anhui Province,my home town,is one of the biggest city in China,which is famous for Bao Gong,Zhou Yu and stuff like that.Hefei is the important traffic center,lying in the middle of China. If my friend from foreign land is about to give a sightseeing to Hefei,there is no doubt that I will show him or her around the Xiaoyao Jin,which is a famous and ancient interesting place in Hefei,nearly completed a hundred years ago.Indeed,it is just a place for residents to loosen up or get relaxed,because there are lots of facilities for entertainment.What's more,the fresh air and friendly environmentally sightseeing can cultivate your taste and temperament.Not only people can you meet,but also birds or spring can appeal to you. All in all,Xiaoyao Jin is so attractive and so is Hefei.Welcome to Hefei and it will be my pleasure to give you a guidance.