作者词汇量积累不错,能较准确地使用学术词汇,单词拼写要仔细;从句使用不足,建议增加长句和复杂句的使用;缺少组织,上下文衔接稍显不流畅。
Mobile phone is prevalent nowadays.It is vital in our life as well .However,it also contribute to some social issues or health problems . Cellphone is a breathtaking and a cutting-edge technology to our society .Put it another way ,not only can we keep in touch with people from all over the world ,we can get up-to-the-minute information .Admittedly,the information to a businessman is increasingly important to make a investment .On the flid side ,cellphone advance at a staggering rate .More functions are created .In terms of students ,cellphone is a optimal way to aquire knowledge and skills .Namely,they will easily prevail over their peer who do not use telephone .There is no doubt that the merit of mobile phone is numerous . In spite of the above advantages ,undoubtedlly,smartphone will bring about some potential health problems . .To be more precise ,listening to music by cellphone ,for example,enables us to feel relaxed .However,provided that listening over few hours it will spark off severe headace .Likewise,smartphone overuse will induce cancer or brain damage root from the radiation . So overall,from my perspective,the obvious benefits of cellphone for us cannot be denied .To alleviate the problems ,as long as we make good use of it .I am convinced that the merit far outweigh the drawbacks .Attitude ,after all ,is essential for a cellphone user.