词汇表达不够丰富,要增加学术词汇的使用;作者句法知识很棒,适当增加从句的使用,会取得更不错的成绩;衔接成分太少,文章结构欠佳;请注意分段;连词使用偏少。
Wangshan,a 16-year-old girl,comes from Beijing Yangguang Middle School.She likes listening and sing music and taking photos very much.Also,she is good at communicating with other persons and she loves helping everyone. also,she loves nature ang peace.And her purpose of taking part of camping is knowing more friends and learn about the other countries" culture.