文章词汇表达要更加熟练,希望能更多使用一些学术词汇;作者句法不错,但是文章整体句子稍微偏短;过渡词和衔接词使用欠丰富,层次欠清晰;请注意分段;连词使用偏少。
Wangshan,a 16-year-old girl,comes from Beijing Yangguang Middle School.She likes listening and sing music and taking photos very much.Also,she is good at communicating with other persons and she loves helping everyone. Also,she loves nature ang peace.And her purpose of taking part of camping is knowing more friends and learn about the other countries" culture.What a grateful girl!