文中应适当增加从句和长难句的使用;作者能较恰当使用丰富词汇,在学术词汇方面希望能更熟练一些全文结构较为严谨,应适当增加文中衔接词的使用。
With the development of the economy of society,people life's quality has been well-guaranteed.Based on it,more people are gradually paying attention on art education.Some people hold the view that children need art education at their ages,on the contrary ,others think art education is not necessary for children because the school's art classes are totally enough for us. As far as I am concerned,art education plays an important role in children's growth.The reasons are as below.To begin with , an outstanding student should not only be good at study but also learn how to enjoy life.Art education will both give students eyes to find the beauty of life and develop their creativity in their experts.Secondly, nowadays, our goverment are reforming educational system by adovcating for education for all-around development,which is taking place of traditional stubborn education.Therefore,art education meets the need of pace of refoming educational system.Last but not least ,art education is also aimed at developing human civilization.On the way of developing economy of the society,we'd better also not ignore chasing for high quality of life. To sum up,art education is essential for both children and the society.So,we should call for more and more people highlight the importance of art education.