可适当增加从句和复杂句使用;有效地使用了语句间的衔接成分;文中词汇表达灵活多样,学术词汇的使用还需加强。
A report that six students living in a dormitory hired a cleaner causes a fierce discussion.Some people agree with this action because of it will help students have more time to study.While others strongly oppose that it lessen people's motivation and make them become lazy.However,as far as I am concerned,I think that hiring cleaners is absolutely a wrong behavior.And my reasons can be listed as follows. On the one hand,doing some chores and housework can cultivate students's reponsibility and their enthusiasm towards life.Studying can provide students with knowlege and skills on exams,but laboring also can offer them practical gains and life experience.Therefore,it is necessory for students to do some housework such as sweep the floor,wash dishes,cook dinner and so on. On the other hand,hiring cleaners will undermine students' independent ability.If students always rely on cleaners to help them with all of these chores,they will lose some bascial life skills and couldn't live alone.In addition,hiring cleaners sounds luxurious for students,for it is a waste of money for them to spend parents' money in this way. In conclusion,hiring cleaners will cause students' laziness and dependence.So it is not a advisable way.Students should not only learn how to study but also understand how to live.