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可适当增加文中长句和复杂句的使用；作者能较好的使用一些学术词汇，同时要避免个别拼写错误；语言不流畅；连词使用偏少。
Nowadays,as more and more people come to realize the importance of helping others,the volunteer busniness has reached its highest peak in recent years.In China,there are 4.5 million registered volunteers who provide all kinds of volunteering activities.And it is gradually becoming a tide.In my opinion,I think the prosperity of volunteer business offers a series of advantages,and everyone can gain something benefitcial from volunteering. First of all,volunteering can help share our personality,enabling us to be a person who is always willing to help others.Doing volunteer activities can not only build up our self-confidence,but also make us become more considerate and accommodating.Because of this,we can gain self-improvement by doing volunteer activities. In addition,there are different forms of volunteer activities,offering various opportunities for us to get some practical exercise.For example,as university students,we can be volunteer teachers in rural areas,which can strengthen our acadamic knowledge somehow.And other volunteer activities also can make us gain some social skills. Last but not least,volunteer experience can add more abundant contents in our job applications,which can make us easier to get a job. In a word,volunteering provide us with a more perfect personality,various social skills and goregous life experience.It is no doubt that we can benefit a lot from volunteering.
