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文中词汇使用较丰富，学术词汇使用要加强；丰富从句的使用，文章会更出色；语言不流畅；连词使用偏少。
His little face the mellow like small apple is round and plump; Two arms like two pieces of lotus root, chubby, he is my good friend. his eyes the most good-looking, obvious double-fold eyelid, a pair of intense big eyes, long is terrific. He quality little more beautiful than his eyes. Which one thing to say, I will one day a few weeks ago, the classmates all came home from school, still under the blowing wind rain outside the window, I just didn't bring an umbrella. Then I thought only home in the rain. I run on the road in the rain was wet all over, suddenly appeared on my head an umbrella, I looked back a look, it was liu chao, he's smile and give me a dozen umbrella, he asked me: "you brought an umbrella?" I said: "I didn't bring my umbrella," he said: "do you think you have got wet all over, it is better to my house to the dry hair, dry your clothes, you can also write your homework, go back and stopped." Say that finish, he grabbed my hand and walked to his home. I in his home hair dryer blowing all the hair dry your clothes, I also wrote in his math homework for a while. I am out of the window the rain stopped, hurriedly say: "I go back." He said: "good," his good heart makes me moved.
