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文中词汇表达比较多样，能多用学术词汇就更好了；丰富从句的使用，文章会更出色；上下文衔接稍显不流畅。
Nowaday, for all people, online shopping is became a trend, especially for the young women. As we know, Online Shopping can save time and get something from the line in the cheaper price. For the busy people today, this way of shopping s really a good way. We shopping by any time and anywhere. Such as when we have time in the evening, we needn't go to the mall, just turn on the computer, join in the Online store, you can get a vast information about the things you want to buy. At another side, the Online shopping also have some disadvantages. In spite of enjoy the convenients of Online shopping is very popular, but we have to face the risks of the quality of the things and the payment way. We cannot to see the material object, only according to the introduction online and refer to the comment from the other customers. In a word, Online shopping can let's enjoy the interesting of shopping, but we should pay more attention about them and more compare to other store, it's still a good way for us.
