若增加一些从句的使用,文章会更不错;文章用词太过单一,学术词汇使用不足,单词拼写错误较多;语言不流畅;连词使用偏少;请注意分段。
70% of the students think that it is not necessary to bring the cellphone in the school.it will bring bad influence on the students and students should not focus on learning and increase the economic burdens of the parents .while opponents of think they can bring the cellphone to school in only they turm off the it attend class. obviously,in my opinion, students benefit a lot from cellphone. they can get a large number of information on time about thier study.thereforce,this growing experience should be welcomed by students and supported by parents and teachers