若增加一些从句的使用,文章会更不错;在学术词汇的积累上还要再接再厉,注意排除文中的拼写错误;语言不流畅;连词使用偏少;可以适当增加副词的使用。
thereis no dobut that people should take responsibility for education thier children to be learn the safety education.therefore, there is a claim that all yong parents need to know the safety educational so that they can better nurtuin their children .oersonally,i suppose the statement and i do think it is practical proposal. in our daily life,it is essential hat such course be provided and shared.in addition ,children try to do something to save energy,learning from the computer ,teachers and all kinds of pathways to avoid personal injury.soo the precayutions is the significant approach .facing the rise of nutural disaster,such as earthquakes fires snowstorms and floods. in conclusion,my personal point of view is that educational training courses should be encouraged.they promote the healthy development of a person master the measures taken in the response to the disaster. that is to say,this practical makes enligible person recognize the vitalto the emergency education