从句使用不足,建议增加长句和复杂句的使用;希望学术词汇的使用能更熟练一些,还要加强单词拼写的检查;语言不流畅;连词使用偏少;请注意分段。
our world is becoming better and beter due to with the dovepment of society .our living stard has improved.p will live londet than used to be.however, this trend is criticised by some people for the following reasons.to start with,our world is much more crowde than before,our environment pose a threat to us .at the same time ,eatablish a closer relationship with energy ,so that more and more p will get into it anf enjoying our life. some scholars and reseraarchers like to discuss this problem which are relavent to their fields .besides , we all enjoy thewoderful world .