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学术词汇需要继续积累，单词拼写不错；作者句法知识很棒，适当增加从句的使用，会取得更不错的成绩；语言不流畅；连词使用偏少。
As time go by,now the student's life in campus is changed very much.Some strange things disappeared frequently at university,such as hire a cleaner to laundry their dorms.A part of people appreciates that,but I don't think so.In my opinions,college student shouldn't hire cleaners. Why I say so much like that?There are some of my throughts about this image.Firstly,college years is a period of time to raise our abilities,including independent、hard work and broaden minds ect.However,hiring a cleaner to finish the work that should be done by themselves its not good for their development.Secondly,as a student,it is necessary to learn how to save money,which contributes to build the character of handling finance.Finally,hire a cleaner is not good for students to have a correct value.As a result of that,something wrong could happen to them. As far as I am concerned,college student should not hire a cleaner to clean their room.They should solve problems by themselves as well as they can do,which will be very helpful to enrich their life.
